In my last post I mentioned that I have a ‘big issue’ in my
life at the moment. I also said I was
writing about said issue and would be throwing it your way when I was done.
Well it turns out I’m not able to do that right now. I’m still slap bang in the middle of it,
struggling to get my head around it and I have no idea how the stories going to
end!
Having said that I am finding that holding back completely
on sharing ‘big issue’ is causing a writing block. I can’t write honestly about anything if I’m
not honest about everything (if that makes any sense)
There’s an Elephant in the room (so to speak) whenever I
attempt to write!
I’m hoping (fingers crossed) this little ramble will get
‘Stuck - In - Scared’ unstuck!
Okay here goes........ Just the ‘two veg’ for now I’m afraid - I’ll
bring you the meat when it’s done!
‘The body Guard’ - That man I’m forever boasting about, ‘that
he above all others’ who I’m forever thanking God for.
My wonderful – caring
– loves the bones of me – would never hurt me – “I love you so much my
beautiful baby” – gentle – amazing hubby, has gone and broken my heart!
He’s ashamed, incredibly sorry and doing his best to mend said
heart.
I’m heartbroken, incredibly insecure and doing my best to
ensure the meat (which is currently far too raw for my liking) is falling off
the bone by the time it reaches you lot.
He says that blinded by my mental illness (which in fairness
has been greatly exacerbated this past two years) he lost sight of ‘me’ - he’s
sorry - he loves me - he’ll never hurt me again.
Iv'e never been more sure of anyone one or anything as (up until six weeks ago) I was
of him!
And now? - Never before have I felt more unsure of 'everything' as I do right now!
And now? - Never before have I felt more unsure of 'everything' as I do right now!
I trusted him completely - I want more than anything to trust him again but I'm not there yet.
However I am in love with this *turns out he’s just a man*
man of MINE! - not for one single moment have I EVER doubted that.
I’m not giving up without a fight!
POSITIVE THOUGHT
PRAYER
Thank you Lord for - giving me the words Iv'e needed to
say, the strength to face the unthinkable and for my ‘bounce back ability’ Amen.
God bless you and all those you love
Kimmie x
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Thank you for allowing me to share
God bless you and all those you love
Kimmie x
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Dear Kimmie,
ReplyDeleteThis makes me want to cry. It's not fair on you both. You both need a break. My only words of hope is that if someone is able to love, then they can love more than one. It just takes strength of will to stay faithful. It's an on-going issue in marriage isn't it. Take care. Forgive each other. That photo is so beautify. Much love.
Thank you for your kind words Jan - I will come back to this story and fill in the gaps when things are a little more settled.
DeleteGod bless you and yours
Kimmie x
Sorry to hear this Kimmie, you know where I am, feel free to give us a shout if you need a listening ear. x
ReplyDeleteThank you Tammy X
DeleteKimmie, I'm so sorry this has happened to you - you, who are there for everybody with words of support and all the time you were suffering more than you let on.
ReplyDeleteI know there's nothing I can say that will make you feel better but if there's anything I can do please let me know.
PLEASE let me know. xxxx
Thank you Michelle, your support and friendship means so much to me X
DeleteHi Kimmie, my heart breaks for you after reading this. Trust me I know how you feel. I did'nt fight & its the most sorry thing I've ever done.
ReplyDeleteThe love is there, please take time out of all the good work you do for others & fight for yourself & family.
My thoughts & prayers are with you. You are a strong lady, you can do it.
Lots of love
Jackie
Hi Jackie, Thank you so much for your support and very good advice, I have taken a bit of a step back from social media of late (tho I do pop in and out each day because I need my friends) while I concentrate on things at home and things (tho a long way from fixed) are improving :)
DeleteI'm so sorry to read about your own heartache!
God bless you hun
Kimmie X
This is such a sad post and must have been very difficult to write. I really hope things have moved forward in a good way since writing this ((big hugs)) x
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading, and for taking the time to comment Sharon.
DeleteThings are a lot better thank you; we're not there yet, but we are getting there :)
God bless you and yours
Kimmie x