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Tuesday, 17 September 2013

Meat & Two Veg (Minus The Meat)

In my last post I mentioned that I have a ‘big issue’ in my life at the moment.  I also said I was writing about said issue and would be throwing it your way when I was done.

Well it turns out I’m not able to do that right now.  I’m still slap bang in the middle of it, struggling to get my head around it and I have no idea how the stories going to end!

Having said that I am finding that holding back completely on sharing ‘big issue’ is causing a writing block.  I can’t write honestly about anything if I’m not honest about everything (if that makes any sense)
There’s an Elephant in the room (so to speak) whenever I attempt to write!  

I’m hoping (fingers crossed) this little ramble will get ‘Stuck - In - Scared’ unstuck!

Okay here goes........  Just the ‘two veg’ for now I’m afraid - I’ll bring you the meat when it’s done!

‘The body Guard’ - That man I’m forever boasting about, ‘that he above all others’ who I’m forever thanking God for.  
My wonderful – caring  – loves the bones of me – would never hurt me – “I love you so much my beautiful baby” – gentle – amazing hubby, has gone and broken my heart!

He’s ashamed, incredibly sorry and doing his best to mend said heart.
I’m heartbroken, incredibly insecure and doing my best to ensure the meat (which is currently far too raw for my liking) is falling off the bone by the time it reaches you lot.

He says that blinded by my mental illness (which in fairness has been greatly exacerbated this past two years) he lost sight of ‘me’ - he’s sorry - he loves me - he’ll never hurt me again.

Iv'e never been more sure of anyone one or anything as (up until six weeks ago) I was of him!
And now? - Never before have I felt more unsure of 'everything' as I do right now!

I trusted him completely - I want more than anything to trust him again but I'm not there yet.  

However I am in love with this *turns out he’s just a man* man of MINE! - not for one single moment have I EVER doubted that.
I’m not giving up without a fight!  



Thank you Lord for - giving me the words Iv'e needed to say, the strength to face the unthinkable and for my ‘bounce back ability’ Amen.

Thank you for allowing me to share

God bless you and all those you love

Kimmie x  

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  1. Dear Kimmie,

    This makes me want to cry. It's not fair on you both. You both need a break. My only words of hope is that if someone is able to love, then they can love more than one. It just takes strength of will to stay faithful. It's an on-going issue in marriage isn't it. Take care. Forgive each other. That photo is so beautify. Much love.

    1. Thank you for your kind words Jan - I will come back to this story and fill in the gaps when things are a little more settled.

      God bless you and yours

      Kimmie x

  2. Sorry to hear this Kimmie, you know where I am, feel free to give us a shout if you need a listening ear. x

  3. Kimmie, I'm so sorry this has happened to you - you, who are there for everybody with words of support and all the time you were suffering more than you let on.

    I know there's nothing I can say that will make you feel better but if there's anything I can do please let me know.
    PLEASE let me know. xxxx

    1. Thank you Michelle, your support and friendship means so much to me X

  4. Hi Kimmie, my heart breaks for you after reading this. Trust me I know how you feel. I did'nt fight & its the most sorry thing I've ever done.

    The love is there, please take time out of all the good work you do for others & fight for yourself & family.

    My thoughts & prayers are with you. You are a strong lady, you can do it.

    Lots of love


    1. Hi Jackie, Thank you so much for your support and very good advice, I have taken a bit of a step back from social media of late (tho I do pop in and out each day because I need my friends) while I concentrate on things at home and things (tho a long way from fixed) are improving :)
      I'm so sorry to read about your own heartache!

      God bless you hun

      Kimmie X

  5. This is such a sad post and must have been very difficult to write. I really hope things have moved forward in a good way since writing this ((big hugs)) x

    1. Thanks for reading, and for taking the time to comment Sharon.
      Things are a lot better thank you; we're not there yet, but we are getting there :)

      God bless you and yours

      Kimmie x