Just-a-Quote #10 (Missing Dad... Fathers Day)

"I miss you, Dad. SO MUCH!" ~ Kimmie x

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Thank you for allowing me to share

God bless you and all those you love

Kimmie x

Related Post: About A Man

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Just-a-Quote #9 (Grief. The Loneliest Loneliness)

"Grief is the loneliest loneliness." ~ Kimmie

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PRAYER
I'm lonely, so so lonely... but not alone in grief; a few of my friends have lost loved-ones recently. Lord, bless them, please. Hold them tight. Help them through the 'Lonely'. Amen.

Thank you for allowing me to share

Bless you; all of you who have supported me over the past year... It's meant more to me than you could possibly know. 

God bless you, and all those you love 

Kimmie x

Related Post: In a nutshell... Because Nutshells are easy.

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Just-a-Quote #7... (grief)

"I hate this feeling... Like you're here, but you're not. Like you could hold me, but you don't. Like you're somewhere close... faraway, and there is no in-between." ~ Kimmie

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Thank you for allowing me to share 

God bless you and all those you love

Kimmie x

Related post:

If I could live one day again.

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If I Could Live One Day Again...

An excerpt from an archived post... HERE

If I could live one day again...  it would be the last day I saw my Dad.

My Dad lived a long way away from me, and, as mentioned in previous posts, mental illness/fear prevents me from travelling. In February of last year (3 months before he died) my Dad; my always-there-and-if-he-wasn't-there-he-was-getting-there, Dad, came to me. Riddled with Cancer, barely able to stand, and in unimaginable pain, he came to me. He came to say goodbye.

We hugged lots, loved lots, talked as much as he could manage... goodbyes were left unspoken, neither of us able to say the words.

When he left, knowing how hard the moment was for him, I hugged him brave... like a grown up. The child inside was bawling, I didn't let her out.

He released my hold on him, kissed my head, and said "keep smiling babe.", then he turned and walked down the garden path.

When he reached the gate he turned and looked straight at me, he held my gaze for only a moment before turning away again. In that moment I read my life time in his eyes... and I read his breaking heart, his I love you... his goodbye.

I didn't want to be brave anymore. I wanted to run down the path with the child's tears pouring down my face, throw myself into his arms, beg him to stay.

I stayed dry-eye-brave in the doorway until he'd disappeared through the gate. Then went into the toilet, stamped my feet like a child, and cried.

If I could live that day again... I'd run down the path!

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Thank you for allowing me to share 

God bless you and all those you love

Kimmie x

Related Post: It's your Birthday and I'll cry if I want to

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Just-a-Quote #5 (Dad)

"When God was handing out Dads... He saved the best for me." ~ Kimmie

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Thank you for allowing me to share

God bless you and all those you love

Kimmie x

Related Post: About a Man

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Just a Quote #1 (Inner Child)

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I'm trying something new this year (alongside my usual rambles). A weekly Just-a-Quote post.

I'll be sharing some of my own thoughts, (the above quote is one of my own), I'll also be sharing other quotes that resonate with me (with credit where it's due). 

I hope to (when I've worked out how to) create a weekly Just-a-Quote linky at some point during the year. Don't hold your breath mind, cause so far I haven't a clue o_O #Technophobe! 

Advice welcome, bloggy-friends ;o)

Thank you for allowing me to share 

God bless you and all those you love 

Kimmie x 

Related post: As long as there are hearts in my care

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He will never live in This Year.

It's new years Eve 2015 (time of writing) and I've spent most of today looking to google for inspiration for this New Years Eve post, specifically I was searching 'Happy'. 

I found it of-course, the internet is full of zipadeedoodah today, as it is every new years eve. I found positive posts, round ups posts, lists and lists of 'list' posts... and I found happy posts; other people's thoughts, feelings, wishes. Other people's Happy.

Many were inspiring... none inspired me. 

Actually, that's not quite true... they inspired me to write a list; a stupidly-long list of Happy-New-Year-blog-post-ideas. When I sat down to write this evening I had every intention of using idea #4... 'There's Something Good In Every Day'. 

I could have pulled that one off too, you know... I could have rambled till your eyes were bossed about how blessed I am; how lucky I am, how grateful I am. Because I am. 

You know what else I am... honest. Throwing a load of zipadeedoodah your way this evening... wouldn't have been honest! (I do however wish YOU as much zipadeedoodah as you can handle :o))

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It's new years Eve 2015 (time of writing), and I'm afraid. I'm afraid of tomorrow! 

This year has been the worst year of my life (so far). This year broke my heart; almost broke me, but I don't want to leave it. My Dad lived in this year.

My Dad hugged me this year. My Dad laughed, and cried this year. This year I heard Dads voice, breathed his smell...read 'I love you' in his eyes. 

Tomorrow will be the first day of a year that doesn't have my Dad in it, and I'm scared. I don't want to leave him behind.

As of tomorrow... 'Dad died LAST year'.  Not this year, not even 7 months ago... LAST  year! He will never live in this year.

As of tomorrow... I will never have a THIS year that has Dad in it again. 

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It's new years Eve 2015 (time of writing), it's cold outside, and set to get colder and I (though grieving) am warm, fed, housed and Oh-so-cared-for, as (I sincerely hope) are you. 

I decided against an end of year round up of my blog posts this year... #6 on my list of ideas... but I'd love for you to visit (or revisit) just THIS ONE. It means a lot to me. :) 

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It's new years Eve 2015 (time of writing), and I want to thank YOU, dear readers of my rambles, for reading, commenting (I love your comments :), for being there, for being your beautiful selves... and especially for your support this past (incredibly tough) year. You lot make my day... EVERY DAY! 

I wish you ALL a (heartfelt) HAPPY NEW YEAR! :o) 

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Thank you as always for allowing me to share 

God bless you and all those you love 

Kimmie x 

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Deck the Halls... better late than never.

I'm late posting my Christmas paraphernalia this year. I usually have the halls decked by the 1st of December but (despite making a start early November) I was well into December before finishing. 

Fibromyalgia had me decking the halls with boughs-of-ouchie, and as this is my first Christmas without Dad there wasn't a lot of fa-la-la'ing going on. I'm glad I pushed on with it though, Littlie's eyes are shinning as a child's eyes should be, and me? Well, I love Christmas, and the Merry-and-Bright is doing me the world of good... Fa-la-la-la-la...la-la-la-la :o) 

Christmas is my absolute favorite... I like it a lottle (that's like a little, but a lot). 

I love the lead up to Christmas, I delight in the fairy lights and decorations which fill almost every corner of my home. I love the chaos of Christmas morning... the mess that out does all messes - the pringle-crumb-carpet - the tripping over of the long and short legs sprawled out into the middle of my very small dinning room as I attempt to get to the back door for a quick cigarette break - the 5am stumble along the landing to be greeted by a wide awake Littlie with stocking in hand, shouting "he's been Mummy, he's been!" 

I love it all, and despite the underlying sadness this year I'm really looking forward to Christmas morning with my gorgeous ones. 

Right, that's enough of my rambling... better-late-than-never; our home has been well and truly decked and I'd really love to share it with you all.

My house is a squash-and-a-squeeze and the dinning table's been packed away to make room for the tree so (unless you're a fairy) there's nowhere to sit, but you're all so welcome!  Heating's on, kettle's on, and there's mince pies in the tin... help yourselves.

And now to the Merry-and-Bright... 

My tree... An evening job (more accurately several evenings), on my own with Rod Stewart ringing in my ears... No touching (or tail-wagging) allowed! 

The lounge trees... a joint effort... some touching allowed :o) 

Littlie's tree (in her bedroom), she gets to do what she likes with this one... I like it but wouldn't wanna sleep with it... she loves it :)

The back door... this picture doesn't show the full glory of this area of the house at Christmas time... it's my favorite part of the house when decked... the windows mirror all of the downstairs fairy lights giving the impression that the whole garden is lit up...it's magical!

The old fish tank... which stands in the dinning room for most of the year looking like a heap of, well, old fish tank, and is magically (with the help of 4 rolls of cotton wool and a ton of fake snowflakes) transformed into Littlie's winter-wonderland each Christmas. 

The banisters

Most of my decs are years old... that's what makes them so special... my halls are decked with memories... Christmassy pages of my life...my kid's lives. I do add something to the collection each year though and this gorgeous Nativity is the latest addition. I love it! 

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Thank you all, Dear friends, readers-of-my-rambles for your support this past year...it's been a tough one and I couldn't have got through it without YOU! 

I wish you all a very merry Christmas 

Thank you for allowing me to share 

God bless you and all those you love 

Kimmie x

P.S... 

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Message in a Bottle... Wordless Wednesday

For you, Dad 

I miss you so much

Kimmie x

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A few of my poems (for National Poetry Day)

ON MENTAL ILLNESS...

ON SPECIAL NEEDS... 

MATTERS OF THE HEART...

GRIEF... 

CHILDHOOD MEMORIES... 

Thank you for allowing me to share 

God bless you, and all those you love 

Kimmie x

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