Symptoms of mental illness are usually very well hidden; behind award winning smiles... behind "I'm fine" - "I'm okay".
Many mental illness sufferers (including me) feel the need to mask their symptoms face to face; especially if the face they're facing has no experience or understanding of mental illness, and is anticipated by the sufferer as likely to judge.
Often a persons outward appearance bears no semblance to their inner truth.
They might appear bright; animated even. Doing a fabulous job of mimicking your sunshine, and yet be stood before you in a haze of darkness.
They may be holding a conversation with you (wearing one of those award winning smiles) whilst at the same time battling to control intrusive thoughts, compulsions, voices, suicidal thoughts.
From my own experience... I often mask the turmoil beneath the surface, because I'm ashamed, because I fear judgement, and because I don't want to burden others; least of all those I love.
Frequently, when I'm asked questions like ‘are you okay?’ or ‘how are you?’ my mind reels off a load of relevant answers that completely contradict the "I'm fine" that rolls off my tongue.
It's easier to lie than it is to explain fearful-depressed-incredibly anxious. Emotional, paranoid, hypervigilant. Twitchy (and hoping you don't notice). Panicky. Hurting. STUCK IN SCARED!
It's easier to paint on a smile, cover up, feign control; than it is to admit to dark thoughts, flash backs, self inflicted scars, deep despair, self directed anger... SHAME!
In my case (and I believe the same is true for others, but I can only speak for myself here) it's entirely possible that I might be mimicking sunshine only hours after a major meltdown.
Mental illness is (usually) invisible, but very real. It's often debilitating, often disabling, sometimes life threatening, and always incredibly painful. Whether you can see it or not!
It's impossible to tell how someone truly feels on the inside based only on their outward appearance.
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POSITIVE THOUGHT
These days, Thanks to Twitter (and other networks full of like minded people) many sufferers (including me) are able to reach out, open up (whilst remaining protected) and access the empathy/support they need.
PRAYER
LORD, Please bless all those who say “I’m fine.” when in truth they are far from it. I pray their lives be filled with people who care enough to see (and understand), the turmoil behind the mask.
Thank you for allowing me to share
God bless you and all those you love
Kimmie x
Tweet
Lovely Kimmie yes know those words use them myself I'm fine yes I'm okay when really I am not always. It is a coping mechanism I guess when we feel ready to share we do. Always here for you Kimmie love and hugs xxxx
ReplyDeleteHi Sophie, thanks for dropping by hun, Yes, I know many other people do the same - almost programmed to hide, because, lets face it, reactions to invisible illness are so mixed.
DeleteMind you, these days, under this Government, I often wonder if I'll be as quickly judged for smiling as I might be for not o_O
Take care lovely friend
God bless you and yours
Kimmie :o) x
I think most people don't want to go beyond 'I'm fine' both for you and for themselves. That's just life. Not everyone can cope with the truth..theirs or ours. But there will always be a few..and they are gold, who will care and for whom you care. xxx
ReplyDeleteHi Carol, Thanks for dropping by.
DeleteYes. I agree, there will always be the few,, and they are gold :) x
Thought provoking words as always Kimmie. I used to get told off for always saying 'I'm fine'. Too independent! But barring social media connections I often think a true friend knows how you are without having to ask. xx
ReplyDeleteHi Michelle, I've already thanked you I know, but still wanted to respond here also (be rude not to, don't you think?! *winks* :o)
DeleteI think you're right, a true friend would know, my best friend, my life long friend, she always knew; sadly she died a couple of years ago (on the same day as Maggie, bloody Thatcher, would you believe)
I'm not sure if my Floss (her nickname too) would have been amused at sharing her parting with the iron lady, or incredibly put out (the latter I think!)
Anyway, I digress, I don't have another friend like Floss (away from Twitter anyhow) who I can be completely open with (Thank God for Twitter!) and I do find I hide my truth more often than not - around hubs and the kids to protect them, and around other people, well, if you read my latest post, entitled 'I am', I think you'll see why.
shame isn't how I should feel, I do know that; and I'd be the first to reassure other m/health sufferers that they mustn't feel ashamed, but if I'm honest; which I generally am, shame is my biggest issue.
Thanks for popping by to read me 'M', I value your support, encouragement, friendship!
Take care, Kimmie x
To those who don't know me, often think I am 'hard faced' but those who know me well, know it is a front to protect myself from others, others judging me for my mental illness. Outside I am smiling, inside I am dying from this mental disease! Thank you for a very thought provoking post and linking up with the #WeekendBlogHop
ReplyDeleteLaura xx x
Hi Laura, thanks for stopping by.
DeleteI completely understand what you're saying, often, I feel, we are almost conditioned to smile, because non sufferers (even the well meaning ones) find it so hard to understand, they are either uncomfortable around us if we let the mask slip, or offer well meant, but clueless niceties, which leave us feeling as if we are over dramatizing.
And then of course, there is the self stigma, and feelings of shame (I'm speaking for myself, but I know, I'm not alone in this)
And then there are the times when it's just far easier to smile and say "I'm fine", because, well, there are a list of becauses, I'm sure you already know them all!
You can always message me if you need someone to talk to Laura, here on the blog, or via DM on Twitter; I'll listen X
Take care hun,
Kimmie x