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Thursday 13 February 2014

'Don't be fooled by Hetty Hoovers smile'

Do not be fooled by Hetty Hoovers smile... If you value your sanity, your home and your life then take my advice and stay well away from ‘Hetty (Bloody) Hoover’ (especially if you’re knackered, naked and not in the mood for shenanigans)

After showering today I decided to pamper myself with that Dove-hint-of-a-tan moisturising gunk.
I’ve used it before and it does what it says on the bottle.... de-whites skin gradually without turning it orange.
However it is gunky and takes forever to soak in meaning one has to remain naked for 20 min or so before getting dressed.

So what’s a girl to do when she’s naked, greased up and hiding from ‘man mind’?  

Housework of-course.

I make the beds, run a duster round and I’m just about to head down stairs for my (I will do anything for you) ‘Dyson’ when I remember that I’m still naked and  ‘The Body Guard’ along with his (I know what I’d like to do for you) ‘man mind’ is down there – I’m way too knackered for any of his shenanigans so I head in the direction of the box room instead.

And there behind the box room door is ‘Hetty Hoover’ –  Aw she’s so cute, sat there all pink and smiley batting her painted on eyelashes at me…. Who could resist her?! 
And there behind the box room door is ‘Hetty Hoover’ –  Aw she’s so cute, sat there all pink and smiley batting her painted on eyelashes at me…. Who could resist her?!
Hetty is actually Littlie’s hoover. 'Littlie' has many obsessions and one of them is Hoovers, so last Christmas The-man-in-red delivered Hetty (butter wouldn't melt) hoover instead of toys.

Anyway... I pick up Hetty, carry her along to Littlie’s room, plug her in and begin hoovering. 
Hetty is clearly not happy about this! 
She refuses to follow me when yanked, hides behind every available piece of furniture, and if the way she’s gripping the bloody carpet is anything to go by her brushes have morphed into teeth!  

Panting and sweating (which does nothing to speed up the drying out of moisturised nakedness) I pull the awkward little bugger into my room and ignoring the (now defiant) look on her face attempt to hoover by the side of the bed.

Hetty however, has her eye on the dog crate at the bottom of the bed and heads straight for it – she gets stuck and I fall (ungracefully) onto the bed, narrowly avoiding getting my eye sucked out in the process. 
do not be fooled by Hetty Hoovers smile... Panting and sweating (which does nothing to speed up the drying out of moisturised nakedness) I pull the awkward little bugger into my room and ignoring the (now defiant) look on her face attempt to hoover by the side of the bed.
I drag myself up from the bed, rescue Hetty, and after lots more heaving and panting finish the bedroom and head toward the small staircase that leads up to the loft room.

Leaving Hetty at the bottom of the stairs and taking her nose up with me I have de-fluffed all steps bar two when ‘Hetty’ suddenly squeals her objection at having her nose yanked and plops over onto her back defiantly, I yank on her nose again (aggressively) in an attempt to reach the last two steps but she’s having none of it. 

With no choice but to go back and rescue the little minx I stomp ungracefully down the stairs (dropping an F-Bomb as I go!)
Half way down Hetty wraps her nose around my foot causing me to fall down the remainder of the stairs and crash into the Bannister's that separate the stair case I’m on from the one below.
 Do not be fooled by ‘Hetty Hoovers’ smile... Hetty is a nasty piece of work...!  If you value your sanity, your home, and your life then take my advice and stay well away from Hetty-Bloody-Hoover (especially if you’re knackered, naked and not in the mood for shenanigans).
Having narrowly escaped going over the top of the Banister and landing in ‘all my glory’ at the bottom of the house (I kid you not...!) I get up and grab ‘smiley face’ by the Throat handle and heave her up toward the top of the stairs (Hetty could do with losing a few pounds!)

Still grinning at me Hetty’s next trick is to hook and pull over a flower arrangement at the bottom of the stairs ‘hoover bumping’ me into the wall as she does so!  Wonderful… now I have flowers to rearrange - paint work to de-bum-print and I need another shower  o_O  ! 

Hetty is now tucked back behind the box room door and there she will stay unless 'Littlie' wants to play with her. 
'Littlie' will always be supervised when Hetty's around, as for me... I will never ever play with Hetty  again (supervised or otherwise). 

And the moral of the story… Do not be fooled by ‘Hetty Hoovers’ smile... Hetty is a nasty piece of work...!

If you value your sanity, your home, and your life then take my advice and stay well away from Hetty-Bloody-Hoover (especially if you’re knackered, naked and not in the mood for shenanigans).

Thank you for allowing me to share

God bless you and all those you love

Kimmie x




#MidLifeLuv Linky

24 comments :

  1. Haha that is so funny, and exactly how I feel about henry! Why does he always get stuck? And why won't he come up the stairs with me? Argh!

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    1. A mind of their own Charlotte - You have my sympathy lol
      Thanks for reading :) x

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  2. "Especially if you’re knackered, naked and not in the mood for shenanigans." But oh, Hetty gave you that marvelous line!

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    1. lol She did didn't she! Thanks for dropping by Paula and taking the time to comment Paula....Made me smile :)

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  3. Man-Mind says "don't vacuum naked, it'll end in tears, or an embarrassing trip to A&E (if there's still any open) - yes nurse, I was vacuuming the stairs naked, I fell and, well, you can see the result."

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  4. ha ha ha ha - well I'm going to bed on a giggle tonight :o) Thanks Tony X

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  5. Your words and pictures (never saw a Hetty Hoover before) made me laugh, Kimmie. Thank you!

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    1. I'm so glad Hetty's shenanigans gave you a giggle Diane - Thank you so much for stopping by and also for taking the time to comment.

      Kimmie x

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  6. Could you not have just bought your little one a TOY Hettie rather than a real one? You wouldn't have got your naked housework done but you could rest easy knowing your child isn't going to be gobbled up by the pink psycho hoover!!

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    1. lol....My littlie has special needs and is quite specific in her obsessions - we tried the toy Hetty (and a toy Henry) only to discover that only the real thing would do.
      On the up side she is very happy with Hetty(butter wouldn't melt) hoover, mummy on the other hand will be sticking with 'dyson' from here on in! :)

      Thanks for reading and commenting

      Kimmie x

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  7. Ha ha ha! Love this! Fake tan's slow drying-news drives women to all manner of things.

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    1. ha ha - Well I'm fairly sure I won't be going any where near Hetty again, (greased up or otherwise!) o_O Thanks for dropping by Jess X

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  8. Haha, a day in the life of Kimmie!! :) A really entertaining post but I have to ask you - what brand tanning lotion do you use 'cause I'm as white as milk and could use some tips. :) xx

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    1. 'Dove Summer Glow'...It's lovely because it builds slowly over a few days and looks natural, Make sure you buy the one for fair to medium skin tho... the darker one is too dark :) x

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    2. 'Dove Summer Glow'...It's lovely because it builds slowly over a few days and looks natural, Make sure you buy the one for fair to medium skin tho... the darker one is too dark :) x

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  9. I confess to loving Hetty, but will be watching her a lot more carefully after reading this! Perhaps she has just been lulling me into a false sense of security....!!!

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    1. Oh definitely...keep a close eye on the little minx!

      Sorry for the late reply, Willow (beautiful name by the way)... I managed to miss you at time of commenting somehow.

      All the best, Kimmie.

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  10. I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who vacuums naked! Now you know my dirty little secret, it was only fair I share mine after you shared yours. This has me giggling for an hour, excellent writing. 😊

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    1. ha ha... Thanks, Jeanine...I'm glad this gave you a giggle :)

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  11. What a fantastic post—I laughed out loud through the whole thing. Thanks for putting some levity into my day and letting me know just how "fun" vacuuming can be! :O)

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    1. I'm glad the post brightened your day, Colleen. I can assure you though, vacuuming is no fun if Hetty has anything to with it lol

      She did provide me with blogger fodder though, I'll give her that :)

      Thanks for stopping by :)

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  12. Thanks for all the laughs, Kimmie! I sure needed some today...somehow, I'm frazzled with all the Christmas stuff..spent way too much on stocking stuffers and can't get a thing done. Wishing you and the family a very Merry Christmas! xox

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    1. Hi Nana, *waves*... so lovely to see you here. I'm glad Hetty's shenanigans gave you a laugh.

      I think frazzled is part & parcel where Christmas is concerned, been a bit frazzled myself this past week or so...Christmas is my favorite, as you know, but I have to admit finding the prep/trimming/organizing hasn't come easy this year. Still, be worth it come Christmas :)

      I wish you and yours a beautiful Christmas. xxxx

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