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Saturday, 13 October 2012


Today my muddled mind took me back to the middle of October 1987, back to a night that many of you will remember for reasons far more catastrophic than my own - The night of 'THE GREAT STORM'!

Eighteen people died that night, winds in parts of the UK reached 100mph causing massive devastation! Millions of trees were blown down, some onto roads and railways causing major transport delay.
Thousands of homes across the UK were left without electricity, phone lines went down and many homes were damaged.

The events of that night are still so clear in my mind and while the catastrophe I have just spoken of should not be played down, or indeed forgotten, there is another reason that keeps this night so fresh in my memory.

I was at home that night, with my first husband and two year old son, none of my windows were blown in, none of my family or friends were hurt, and the trees on my street (though slightly battered by morning) stayed standing.

The storm did not hurt me. My severe anxiety on the night of 'The great storm of October 1987' was caused by my own catastrophic mind!

Let me take you back to my experience of that night!

It's gone midnight when I get into bed, Danny, my two year old is sound asleep in his own room undisturbed by the battering the house is taking, and Nick (my husband) is snoring loudly beside me, also unaware of the storm tossed world outside.

I snuggle down (as you do) and prepare to sleep. The rain (aided by the strong wind) is crashing against the bedroom window which is set directly above my head, the tree outside the window smacks against the glass pane eerily every thirty seconds or so, and the wind is howling, actually howling!
This is horror story weather.. werewolf at the window weather.. Hammer house of horror weather - My 'Stranger within' is in her element!

I look across at Nick, still sleeping soundly beside me, having turned on his side he is no longer snoring, and is now laying with his back to me. Suddenly he stirs, and the quilt drops slightly revealing his shoulders, hairy shoulders (hairy can't be Nick's cause Nick's not hairy shoulders!). Very slowly he turns his head... his face is dark, shadowy, and covered in thick wiry hair,  his yellow smile is lecherous, and his eye's... Oh God, his eye's!

Okay, you get the picture, I'm outta there! Nick, in reality, is still sleeping through the storm oblivious to my madness, but mad or not... I'm not taking any chances.

I go to Danny's room armed with my coat, and his (Just in case), and spend the rest of the night wide awake, carrying out inner compulsions, and filled with terror!

I know how irrational this must sound to you reader, but when I say terror I mean terror... The storm continued to rage, my family continued to sleep; and I, bolt upright on the floor beside Danny's bed in varied states of panic continued to be persecuted by my own mind.

Despite trying desperately to rationalize with myself periodically through the irrational, there was no way I was going back into the same room as my husband.

Before first light I had endured all sorts of horror scenarios in my mind, most of which had climaxed on me running like a madwoman (with screaming child in arms) out into the storm that ravaged the UK.

I forgive you, dear reader, if you couldn't help but laugh while reading this post. I can see how crazy I must sound, but let me tell you; at the time it was no laughing matter... I was beside myself with fear!

Intrusive thoughts are a symptom of OCD (obsessive Compulsive Disorder), and are a part of my everyday life, they have been for as long as I can remember. Consistently, there are thoughts of my own death (everyday, at some point during the day or night, I fear my own death is imminent, and have done since childhood), sometimes I see images of me hurting myself, or worse still others - sometimes I see images of people attacking me or mine...  and occasionally, my intrusive thoughts are as mad as they were during 'The great storm of 1987'


Thank you for allowing me to share

GOD bless you and all those you love

Kimmie x                                                Copyright©2012kimmie All Rights Reserved 


  1. I was trying to comment on this this morning but got too impatient and left it. I have had similar experiences to this, not quite so vivid probably. I have often turned over in bed in the middle of the night and been horrified by my partner's face, changed into some monstrous image. I often feel quite guilty about this because he's the only person that makes me feel safe and for some reason my mind is trying to pollute that..perhaps I read too much into things. Great post. :)

  2. Thank you hon! There would be many more nights similar to this during that marriage! Now married to second husband who is the kindest man you could ever meet and yet still my mind plays tricks on me! I haven't been able to let him make me a drink for three years because intrusive thoughts suggest he has put something in it. I know how irrational these thoughts are but cannot risk it! OCD is very strong and Im ashamed to say it often gets the better of me! I hope sincerely that you find some relief from your own symptoms! God bless lovely,

    Kimmie X

  3. It's awful how our mind plays tricks on us, whether through the power of imagination, fears or remembrance of actual events magnified out of proportion.
    I am blessed to be married to the sweetest most kind, loving, gentle man alive - a veritable saint for all he's had to put up with from me! But bad experiences from my past have coloured and distorted my perception of him at times.
    So I sympathise with your horror story arising from an overactive imagination coupled with excessuve OCD. Hopefully such occurences are rare these days! :)

  4. A lady a few doors away has OCD. She had the most beautiful 50 year old, 70 foot Cherry tree in her front garden, a local landmark. She became a grandmother, and she told me that both that her fear that her little grandson might climb it and fall one day, and the "mess the falling flowers" made in her garden distressed her.

    She paid a small fortune to have it felled and removed. My Bear and I spent a lot of time trying to explain to locals why, and people were often abusive. It's just one of the things she did out of fear.

    I think, personally, that a lot of people are no different whatsoever. They just aren't honest and upfront about it, as you are. Go Gal :)

  5. I must admit I am far more honest and upfront here and on twitter than I am with people who know me. I feel for your friend, OCD is relentless and no matter how often we try to rationalize these thoughts often avoidance ie.. *your friend cutting the tree down* or in my case ie.. *not being able to be alone at home or outdoors* seems for us the only solution! It is very hard for non sufferers to understand, your friend would have ruminated and worried so much over the abuse she suffered as a result of what would have at the time seemed to her the only solution!

    I'm glad that she had you and your bear supporting her :)

    Thank you for taking the time to respond to my ramble!

    God bless you and all those you love

    Kimmie x

  6. never mind that get the toast on lol

  7. That must have been an horrific night for you. I probably would have done the same thing!

    1. It was an incredibly bad experience Michelle - one of the worst nights of my life!
      Thanks for reading and for taking the time to connect :)

      God bless you & yours

      Kimmie x