If I Could...

Iv'e been tagged by the lovely Laura, who blogs at My Life as a Mummy to take part in the 'If I Could' tag. Thanks Laura.

The idea is to answer the preset questions, daydreams allowed, and then tag other bloggers to take part (If they want to).

So here goes...

If I could live anywhere... Oh I'm so glad day dreams are allowed... If I could live anywhere, (anywhere, any time, any dream) I would choose 'Walnut Grove'... Except I'd have Pa build me a proper oven, cause I'm buggered if I could bake like Ma bakes in a tiny little hole to the side of the fire place. Oh, and I'd be needing an inside loo... how Ma manages to poo in that tiny little outhouse in THAT skirt, is beyond me.

A little house on the Prairie...where all the skies are blue (In my dreams they're always blue). Where all the people (with the exception of Mrs & Nelly Olsen) are kind and compassionate, peace loving, neighbourly.

Imagine washing in the creak, watching Pa (preferably topless, Pa should always be topless!) working the fields. walking through fields to get the kids to school. Kids that skip, and tag, and ring-a-rose.

Imagine a town where no one goes hungry, because as poor as they are they can always, always, stretch the stew to one more!

I do :)

If I could have any home ...This is a tough one because I love the house I'm in now, it's been home for a long time, I've always felt safe here, it's familiar, it's beautiful... it's home!

The trouble is, it's not my house, and as our Landlord has spent the past year attempting to sell it from under us (though currently it's off the market temporarily until neighbouring building work is completed) it's no longer safe! .

On that note, if I could have any home other than my current one (or 'The Little House on the Prairie')... it would be secure, safe, preferably owned.

It would have disability adaptions, (including wheelchair access) for Littlie... and a private, south facing garden, with a pretty little shabby-chic Lady-shed, to write in.

Actually, while I'm still day dreaming... I wouldn't mind one of those DIY-SOS jobbies...not least because then I'd get to meet Little-Leci-Billy- ;o)

If I could have any garden... That's easy...the garden I have now. I'd love to pick it all up, worms and all, and take it with me. As it is, since every plant in the garden attached to the-house-that's-not-mine was payed for and planted by me, I will be digging up anything remotely dig-up-able, and taking it with me.

If I could be on holiday right now... The reality is, fear prevents me from flying, it also prevents me from travelling (other than locally) in a car, and even if I could travel my budget wouldn't stretch to a holiday.

The dream is, Spain... I went to Spain (Marbella), for a week when I was eighteen, and would love to revisit.

Actually, I say a week... I fell in love with a gorgeous Spaniard and stayed put. Three months later I (and my broken heart) came home... Turned out Gorgeous-Spaniard wasn't mine to love, he had a wife and child in Lanzarote!

Despite the heartache (not to mention the shame), I still have such beautiful, and incredibly vivid memories of the places I visited, and the things I experienced whilst there.

Oh, how I'd love to walk those streets again - paddle those seas again - visit those cafes again - dunk those doughnuts again... "Un chocolate con churros por favor" :)

If I could have any job... Illness prevents me from working these days, but if I could work I'd go back to what I used to do before (and after, once they were old enough) I had children... caring for the elderly.

When I was a teenager my best friends Mum owned, lived in, and ran a home for the elderly, my friend and I worked Weekends as teenagers and went on to work there full time after leaving school, and then periodically after we both married and had children.

I loved every single minute of it... I'll never forget my ladies!

If I could have any talent... I don't need to think about this one, I'm reminded of my lack of talent in this area every day. I would LOVE to be able to sing.

I often sing along to music (I use the term loosely!) if I'm at home, but always mime anywhere else, even in Church; because there are no words to describe the unholy noise that comes out of my mouth when I sing out loud!

I've always been aware of my (tone-death-doesn't-cover-it) singing voice... I remember being as young as seven-ish and miming during assembly so that the other kids couldn't hear me, silently mouthing each word dramatically so as to appear believable if a teacher looked my way.

Turned out one teacher was looking my way; he picked me for the school choir... because, he said... I opened my mouth so beautifully when I sang. o_O

For the rest of that school year (wishing I was invisible, and still miming) I was sat at the front of the hall during assembly...with the rest of the choir!

If I could live one day again... - it would be the last day I saw my Dad.

My Dad lived a long way from me, and, as mentioned above, mental illness/fear prevents me from travelling. In February of this year (3 months before he died) my Dad, my always-there-and-if-he-wasn't-there-he-was-getting-there, Dad, came to me. Riddled with Cancer, barely able to stand, and in unimaginable pain, he came to me... he came to say goodbye.

We hugged lots, loved lots, talked as much as he could manage... goodbyes were left unspoken, neither of us able to say the words.

When he left, knowing how hard the moment was for him, I hugged him brave...like a grown up. The child inside was bawling, I didn't let her out.

He released my hold on him, kissed my head, and said "keep smiling babe", then he turned and walked down the garden path.

When he reached the gate he turned and looked straight at me, he held my gaze for only a moment before turning away again... in that moment I read my life time in his eyes... and I read his breaking heart, his I love you... his goodbye".

I didn't want to be brave anymore. I wanted to run down the path with the child's tears pouring down my face, throw myself into his arms, beg him to stay.

I stayed dry-eye-brave in the doorway until he'd disappeared through the gate. Then went into the toilet, stamped my feet like a child, and cried.

If I could live that day again... I'd run down the path!

If I could have any super power... Ooh, now then... can I have two?
Time travel would get me to 'the Walnut Grove' of the Ingalls's, but I've always quite fancied being Mary Poppins. If I were Mary Poppins... I could click my fingers and put the whole world to rights.

David Cameron...click...gone. George Osborne...click...gone. Iain Dunken Smith...
click, click, Dunky!
World peace...click...done. New home...click. Housework...click... *clicks fingers hopefully*.

I'm think I'm gonna go with Mary-Poppins-Power...
If I can jump into pictures, travel by brolly, and have tea on a ceiling, I reckon time travel will be a breeze...
Walnut Grove here I come... Just as soon as I've outed the Tories ;o)

Thank you for allowing me to share

God bless you and all those you love

Kimmie x

I tag the following people

Carol - carolhedges.blogspot.co.uk

Lizzi - summat2thinkon 

Henrietta - https://thetriumphantweed.wordpress.com/

Stephanie - http://stephanieneighbour.com 

Lynn - thegrumblinggargoyle.blogspot.co.uk

Paula - http://paulareednancarrow.com 

Elena - http://www.livingwithbatman.com/

Shawna - honeyquill.com

Dear tagged... Please feel free to ignore the prompt if you are busy, or if  blog tags are not something you usually take part in.

Dear reader... Please do visit the bloggers in the above list if you have time. They are all fabulous bloggers...well worth reading :o) 

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Poem... That Cam-I-Am

That ‘Cam-I-am’ 

That ‘Cam-I-am’ 

I do not like that ‘Cam-I-am’

I do not like him here or there  

I do not like him anywhere

I do not like him on my telly

smoke-screen grin... state funded belly

I do not like him in my head

invading dreams when I'm in bed

I do not like his policies

his attitude to those in need

I do not like his spare room charge

homes (he says), are far too large

while he and his, and them and theirs

homes (state funded), rooms to spare

looking down on me and mine

and you and yours, and yours and theirs!

You homeless poor man....? 

'Cam' don’t care!

That ‘Cam-I-am' 

That ‘Cam-I-am’ 

I do not like that ‘Cam-I-am

Not in my head, not here or there

I do not like him anywhere

I do not like his common(s) trough

piggy chums, (state funded) scoff

I do not like his welfare war

feed the rich, starve the poor

His food-bank-Britain... Eton mess

Cameron - Osborne - IDS

“Scrounger, skiver,  feckless slob”

“sick, disabled? - GET A JOB!” 

PIP PIP (pardon the pun), state funded wine

looking down on me and mine

and you and yours, and yours and theirs

You hungry poor man...?

'Cam' don’t care!

That ‘Cam-I-am’ 

That ‘Cam-I-am’ 

I do not like that 'Cam-I-am'. 

Copyright©2015kimmie All Rights Reserved

Thank you for allowing me to share 

God bless you, and all those you love 

Kimmie x 

***

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The WOWcampaign today launches a new e-petition!

The WOWcampaign today launches a new e-petition to remind the Government that they have failed to honour the parliamentary motion in support of the WOWpetition. 

You can sign WOWpetition here

Today the WOWcampaign launches a new petition on the Government ...
e-petition website, e-petition 106068¹. It calls for the Government to “Assess full impact of all cuts to support & social care for disabled people”. The WOWcampaign have taken this action 18 months after the original “WOWpetition” was debated in the House of Commons because little has happened since, save for sick and disabled people being targeted by further cuts.

Continue reading here

Do I want to get rid of Cameron? - Hell Yes!

Remembering the Thatcher years, I was horrified when, in may 2010, David Cameron (enabled by Nick 'sorry-not-sorry' Clegg) slipped into power, along with the likes of George 'go-figure' Osborne, and Ian 'don't-give-a-damn' Smith.

Now, after five years of Cameron and co, the rich are richer and the poor are poorer, well, I expected that!
I knew the Tories wouldn't have any interest in, or feeling for, the 'common' people.... but (and this is a big BUT!) I never expected them to hurt people like me, or my daughter!

Why? - What might exclude us (and others like us) from Tory 'wickedness'?

Well, my child and I are both disabled - they wouldn't go after disabled people, would they?

****

Over the past five years the coalition (Tory) Governments draconian cuts, cruel assessments, and relentless propaganda have pushed (many) sick, disabled, and mentally ill people worryingly close to the edge - pushed some (largely unreported by the media) 'too far!'

My daughter and I didn't choose disability, she certainly didn't; she was born disabled. There's not a lot we can do to change our 'scrounger' status, either we take the 'handouts' (social security) from the same pot my husband paid into for years I might add, or we starve!

Of course, my 'Littlie' (going on 10, with a mental age of 5) has no idea that (Thanks to Tory/media rhetoric) our family would be judged negatively (by some) she has no idea that Cameron and Co have attempted to create a Britain that may not welcome the disabled adult she will one day become.

I know though! I know, and I am afraid, afraid for myself, afraid for my disabled friends, afraid for all (reliant) disabled people living in Britain.... but above all else, afraid for my child!

Many disabled people have had their lives turned upside down over the past five years - some have not survived the onslaught.

Vulnerable people, who (and I should know) are desperately afraid - deeply affected by right wing 'scrounger' propaganda, and increasingly concerned about their future.

People who's symptoms of illness/disability (in many cases, including my own) have been greatly exacerbated by an overwhelming fear of the next WCA (Work capability Assessment)
An assessment interrogation that often ignores their own doctors opinion in a deliberate attempt to strip them of benefits.

Mentally ill people who are terrified by even the idea of having to expose themselves (face to face) at a ten minute (tick box) assessment (to a complete stranger) who is unlikely to be qualified to assess Mental Illness, and even less likely to empathise.

People who are despairingly aware, that even if they are lucky enough to pass the assessment, it won't be long before the process begins again.

Many are self-harming, some feel/or have felt that suicide may be a better option than continuing to battle both debilitating mental illness/disability, and the 'powers that be'.

As most of you know (physical disabilities aside) my own symptoms of Mental Illness interfere with my ability to cope with many everyday activities without the support of my husband, and those things I do manage alone, are only doable if he's nearby.
I could give for instances but we'd be here all day; so I won't.

Most significantly, for the purpose of this post, is that my disabilities prevent me from working, and also from caring for my disabled child alone....and, as I'm unable to function at home, or outdoors without support, it also prevents my husband from working.

Although, given that I care for my disabled child (to the best of my abilities) with hubby's help, and he cares for us both (full time) with no help, I'd ask those who see fit to judge us (with all due respect, Mr Cameron) to define *hard working people*.

I'm terrified of the benefits system, I fear the dreaded brown envelope (DWP letter) every day - the sound of the post man fiddling with the letter box puts me on edge before anything hits the mat - the site of any brown envelope on the hall floor puts me in a state of panic, which continues to have a negative affect on me long after hubs has checked the contents, and reassured me that today is not the day that I will have to begin AGAIN the process of proving how disabled I am!

It's a daily, overwhelming fear....I have no idea when the next letter will come, but one thing is certain - It will come!

If, after that next assessment, the powers that be decide that we are no longer (in their opinion) entitled to support, I will STILL be disabled, my daughter will STILL be disabled, and my husband will STILL be a full time carer. The ONLY difference (other than making us sicker) such a decision would make; is that we would have nothing to live on!

We're less than a week away from General Election 2015 (time of writing) and I'm terrified the Tory's might manage to 'lie' their way in for another term, because, dear reader, if they do; they will be coming for me and mine, and quite possibly (if you are reliant, or become so) you and yours too, and there won't be a damn thing we can do about it!

Thank you for allowing me to share

GOD bless you and all those you love

Kimmie x                                                     Copyright©2012kimmie All Rights Reserved

NB: The above thoughts, observations, opinions, are based on my own experiences, and those of disabled people I know, or who's experiences I have read about. I do not presume to speak for all disabled people.

POSITIVE THOUGHT

PRAYER

LORD, I pray for all sick and disabled people who have died, and for all who mourn them. Amen

Related posts:
I do not like that Cam-I-am
A Fine Line

'Boop & Cookie's' #WOWpetition journey. (2013)

JANUARY 2013 - 'Betty' and 'Cookie' look on the internet for help and find support and friends at *WOW petition*

FEBRUARY 2013 - 'Betty' and 'Cookie' along with thousands of other sick and disabled people worry that the WCA will discriminate against them - It should be abolished!

MARCH 2013 - The horrible 'scrounger' rhetoric, government/media propaganda keep 'Betty and 'Cookie' (& thousands of others) awake at night, they use Twitter to build resistance.

APRIL 2013 - Forced to chose between heating and eating WOWzers everywhere stay strong and continue to support each other. Because they have love in their hearts.

MAY 2013 - But the Government is relentless in it's cruelty and 'Betty and 'Cookie' along with many others are forced to use a foodbank to survive.

JUNE 2013 - But even food aid is limited by the evil department of work and pensions and soon the cupboard is bare. 

JULY 2013 - Hit by cumulative cuts, sanctions, bedroom tax and council tax they lose their home and are forced to live in a tent. 

AUGUST 2013 - But the tent is destroyed by tabloid reading vandals so 'Betty' and 'Cookie' sleep under the stars. 

SEPTEMBER 2013 - 'Betty & 'Cookie' agree - It's time to resist the 'War On Welfare' - Time to make a stand! 

OCTOBER 2013 - Not even ghosts and ghouls can scare 'Betty' & 'Cookie' - after all they are fighting a whole Government! 

NOVEMBER 2013 - 'Betty' & 'Cookie' want *Change* - Together with thousands of other allies they are determined to defeat the evil DWP!

DECEMBER 2013 - 'Betty & 'Cookie' along with fellow WOWzers celebrate the success (100,000+ signatures) of the #WOWpetition! 

On the 27th February 100,000 strong take on Westminster - A main chamber debate (the first of it's kind) - BY disabled people FOR disabled people!  

'Boop & 'Cookie's story was a bit of fun which helped to raise awareness of and gather support for #WOWpetition during 2013 - The demonizing of UK disabled people however is a very serious matter. 

Thousands of sick and disabled people have been and are being hurt by the Governments welfare reforms!.... So my friends on behalf of all concerned - If you signed/supported the #WOWpetition during 2013 and continue to support the WOWcampaign now ....*THANK YOU* ! 

Thank you as always for allowing me to share 

God bless you and all those you love 

Kimmie x 

UPDATE: We won the debate :O) 

'A Rant'

I am disabled - my daughter is disabled!
I care for my daughter with hubby's help he cares for us both with no help.
It's tough - really tough!

My mental illness has been greatly exacerbated because of the constant media comments aimed at sick and disabled people! Aimed at me and mine!

Before the conservatives began their cruel campaign against the most vulnerable people in society I was just about managing (with huge restriction and controls in place) to cope! My husband was managing to get through most days with a smile on his face and our daughter was the center of our world.

Today we (more often than not) just about manage existence!
I live in constant overwhelming fear of Government, media and DWP, my husband feels useless because he is powerless against those who seek to destroy us and our daughter who has complex care needs is caught up in the middle wondering why mummy rarely plays anymore and daddy doesn't smile!

I keep hoping we will all wake up to find that the past two years have been an awful, irrational nightmare!
I never voted or trusted the 'Tories' but never for one minute did I think that they would attack me or my child. Why? Because we are bloody disabled and that alone is enough - Don't you think?! We deal with more than our fair share of difficulties, every day is a struggle!

Its bloody inhumane! They are hurting so many vulnerable people and they simply don't care.
How on earth are they getting away with it!

Enough Mr Cameron, we have had enough - we can't take much more!
May God forgive you because I can't!

Phew....! rant over. As you were.

Thank you for allowing me to share

PRAYER
LORD I pray your blessing over all vulnerable people. Your will be done. Amen

POSITIVE THOUGHT
I'm sorry but with all due respect I can't think of one! My mind is still on David bloody Cameron &CO!

God bless you and all those you love

Kimmie x

'I do not like that 'Cam-I-am'

That ‘Cam-I-am’ 

That ‘Cam-I-am’ 

I do not like that ‘Cam-I-am’

I do not like him here or there  

I do not like him anywhere

I do not like him on my telly

Evil grin - State funded *belly*

I do not like him in my head

Invading dreams when I'm in bed

I do not like his spite, his greed

His attitude to those in need

I do not like his spare room charge

homes (he says) are far too large

While he and his and them and theirs

Homes (state funded) rooms to spare

Looking down on me and mine

and you and yours and yours and theirs!

You homeless poor man....? 

'Cam' don’t care!

That ‘Cam-I-am' 

That ‘Cam-I-am’ 

I do not like that ‘Cam-I-am

Not in my head not here or there

I do not like him anywhere

I do not like his common(s) trough

Piggy chums, (state funded) scoff

I do not like his welfare war

Feed the rich starve the poor

His food-bank Britain - *Eton mess*

Cameron - Osborne - IDS

“Scrounger, skiver,  feckless slob”

“Sick, Disabled? - GET A JOB!” 

PIP PIP (pardon the pun) - State funded wine

Looking down on me and mine

And you and yours and yours and theirs

You hungry poor man....?

'Cam' don’t care!

That ‘Cam-I-am’ 

That ‘Cam-I-am’ 

I do not like that 'Cam-I-am' 

Copyright©2013kimmie All Rights Reserved                  

***

Thank you as always for allowing me to share

God bless you and all those you love

Kimmie x 

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A Ding Dong and A Prayer

In these times of such austerity I would object to Government spending millions of pounds on ANY ONES funeral, Let alone a multimillionaires! 

Now I’m the first to admit that I  never thought much of Maggie Thatcher, or her policies, and I also admit to ‘Ding Donging’ with the best of them when I first heard the news of her passing. In fact if I’m being really honest (which I generally am)  ‘Ding Dong’ had already occurred to me and been ‘smugly’ tweeted way before I’d a chance to realize that half of ‘Twitter World’ was one step ahead of me!

It might after reading that surprise some of you to hear that in addition to my ‘Ding Donging’ I have also prayed for her (Eyebrows down please, it’s a Christian thing) not the ‘Ding Donging’ obviously, ‘Hangs head in shame’, the praying I mean. 

It's hard praying for someone you feel nothing but contempt for, harder still when your feelings toward that person are not relieved by prayer! Perhaps praying for myself would have been more appropriate in this instance, since it was my own conscience that led me to pray for 'Maggie'. 
I'm not sure I'm making much sense! It's all very confusing. 
Being a Christian (in my head anyway) isn't always easy. 

You might also be surprised to hear given my frequent  *I can’t stand Tories rambles* that I often pray for them too (I can’t by the way – stand Tories; I despise everything they stand for!) but, it would be impossible for me to pray effectively for the people I DO care about without at least in passing praying for the hearts of these rich bully boys (and girls) - that their hearts will by some miracle be opened to the suffering of so many British people, (suffering they are directly responsible for!)

Having said all that, as a Christian, and as a human being, my heart, thoughts and prayers are first and foremost with........ 

The despairing parents who queue up with their frozen children at the ever growing number of food banks across the UK before returning their furrowed brows and frozen children to homes they can barely afford to heat! 

The 50 year old man made redundant through no fault of his own who unable to find alternative work now finds himself labelled scrounger by his own Government! (Striver to shirker overnight) despite having worked hard and paid into the system his whole damned life.

Sick and disabled people whose lives have been turned upside down under this regime. People whose own doctors are ignored in favour of under qualified ATOS/DWP assessors in a deliberate attempt to strip them of benefits. 

Frightened, vulnerable people whose illnesses/disabilities are being greatly exacerbated by constant and overwhelming fear of the next assessment interrogation.

The sick and disabled people who have died as a result of this Governments draconian treatment, and those who mourn them.  

The working man (On minimum wage) who struggles to feed his family and pay his bills even with the addition of tax credits and housing benefit! A man who must now find money from God knows where to pay a tax on his spare room, or down size into a smaller property that doesn’t exist!

The determined, fun loving, intelligent graduate who has spent almost every waking minute for the past two years trying (unsuccessfully) to find a job that pays a living wage and now faces losing her home due to bedroom and council tax charges that she simply can’t afford to pay.

And this week added to this already long list of ‘first and foremost’ my heart, thoughts and prayers are with my (disabled) best friend, who died unexpectedly on the same day as 'Margaret  Millionaire Thatcher'.

Any ‘Ding Donging’ going on in my house (or head) that day was silenced abruptly at 6.15pm when a voice on the other end of the phone said “Tracey’s dead”!

We were friends for 43 years, we grew up together, I never got to say goodbye!

The Government will NOT notice my friends passing, except perhaps that their figures will now show one less disabled person reliant on the state! 

So my friends, am I appalled that our Government think it’s acceptable to fund a millionaires funeral!? (whilst declaring it can’t afford to support all those I've prayed for *first and foremost* this week) Yes I'm appalled, yes I am and so 'I would imagine' is my God! 

PRAYER
Come by here my Lord, please come by here. Amen

Thank you for allowing me to share

God bless you and all those you love

Kimmie x